Running Short of Moonbat Stories? See TruthDig.com

We think we know where Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky - you know, the one whose husband recently served time in federal prison as a convicted tax felon - gets her intelligence on Blackwater. Truthdig.com.

Here's some of the latest ravings from the anti-Blackwater moonbats, brought to you by Truthdig:

Blackwater is now operating in Alaska to guard ineffective US missile defense sites, control another part of the world's oil supply for Dick Cheney, support Todd Palin's Alaska secessionist movement, take over America for the "neocons" (a.k.a., the Jews), repress and murder American citizens in the Lower 48 states, and overthrow the government to enslave the people and keep the Bush dynasty in power forever.

All what one Foil Hatter calls "part of a master plan, to start another conflict . . . declare martial law, suspend the Constitution and Bill of Rights, do away with the results of the election of Barack Obama and take over the nation in a coup which has been the plan all along."

Another Foil Hatter says, "Blackwater mercs have loads of experience in terror tactics and will STOP ANY UPRISING in THE LOWER 48 . . . Lots of American Citizens will be 'terminated-with prejudice' during the engagements.The 'mooseturd/plumber' RNC Ticket will rule . . . and WE WILL ALL BE SLAVES."

Good News! Blackwater Will Save the Economy and Buy Big Wall Street Firms

Blackwater is rolling in so much cash that it's going to join the shadowy Carlyle Group and buy out big Wall Street firms in a power grab designed to refloat the US economy, a foil-hat blogger is claiming.

According to the foil hatter, Blackwater and the Carlyle Group almost bought Washington Mutual, the big failed bank, and that the news was on Bloomberg but after a few hours mysteriously disappeared. "Think about that," says the blogger: "the world's largest private military force has made enough money on the war in Iraq to buy one of the largest banks in the US as it fails." The blogger then made a couple references to male private parts and some inferences that we don't understand.

Oh, My! Cajun Singer Says Blackwater Helped Execute Thousands of Americans After Katrina

Not to be outdone by Jeremy Scahill, a Cajun blues singer named Tab Benoit says Blackwater helped execute 5,000 Americans following Hurricane Katrina in 2005 - and Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney says she's been withholding information about the single-shot-to-the-head killings of the same number of people.

McKinney doesn't blame Blackwater (see video), but her supposed revelation is good enough for some Foil Hatters to put on the Internet as proof that our favorite private security company was behind the deed that the media is supposedly covering up.

LaRouchie Weirdness from Shrieker Jeff Farias

More fact-free goo-goo from the foil hat set. A radio talk show host who opposes winning the war in Iraq is dredging up discredited fables about Blackwater's rescue of stricken Americans.

Jeff Farias, a shrieker who calls himself "unapologetically and fiercely liberal" on his website, is accusing Blackwater again of confiscating guns from folks in New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

First, it's a phony allegation - widely reported, never confirmed, totally discredited.

Second, Farias is a hypocrite - as if he had any objection to confiscating guns from American citizens!

Third, as every foil hatter knows, Silas did it.

Blackwater Part of Catholic-Masonic Conspiracy

Just when you thought those nefarious thugs at Blackwater couldn't get any worse, they did. Illuminati News reports that Blackwater is now working for the Vatican, which also has the Knights of Malta and the Masons at its beck and call. (Nevermind that the Vatican has condemned the Masons; that just shows how deep the conspiracy really runs, and how committed they are to hiding it.) Oh, yes, Opus Dei is in on it to, so watch out for those albino assassins.

The Illuminati News recommends you also look into the following groups, which are part of this massive conspiracy: "CIA, Knights Templar,... Order of the Garter,... Jesuits, Fascism, Zionism, Blackwater."

Now, if you're tempted to blow off the Illuminati News as the conspiracy theory of a crazy, please note that other highly credible sources are running this story too. Aftermath News has warned us that "Malta is the operational base of Blackwater." Elsewhere, Aftermath News warns us that the Knights of Malta are "more than a conspiracy" and confirms the Blackwater-Masonic-Catholic conspiracy.

(Note that neither Blackwater nor any Catholic organization shows up on the Masonic hierarchic chart above. Just further proof they're trying to hide the conspiracy from us...)

Burmese Junta in League with Blackwater

Yes, you read that right: Blackwater and the Burmese military junta are in cahoots. How do we know? The vigilant Citizens for Legitimate Government (CLG) brought this unlikely connection to our attention. CLG cite the following from Yahoo! News:

The United Nations estimates 1.5 million people have been "severely affected" by the cyclone that swept through Myanmar and the United States expressed outrage on Thursday at the delays in allowing in aid. "We're outraged by the slowness of the response of the government of Burma (Myanmar) to welcome and accept assistance," US Ambassador to the UN, Zalmay Khalilzad, told reporters. "It's clear that the government's ability to deal with the situation, which is catastrophic, is limited."

Where's the conspiracy, you ask? Read between the lines... Just a little closer...

Burma's response is the same as the Bush junta's! Bush kept international aid out of New Orleans after 'Hurricane Katrina' (blown levies?) so that he could bring in KBR and Blackwater and kill as many poor people and minorities as possible.

But of course! Why didn't I think of that?

Huffington Post's Sicilian crank says Blackwater will assassinate Obama

Not even the LaRouchies have come up with what Joseph A. Palermo at the Huffington Post is saying. Senator Barack Obama so threatens Blackwater and Halliburton that one of the companies will assassinate him in order to protect their profits.

In his January 4 essay, "Barack Obama, RFK and Blackwater," Palermo traces the 1968 campaign of Senator Robert F. Kennedy, who was gunned down as his campaign surged ahead on a spirit of racial harmony, anti-war activism and optimism.

"Blackwater, that reactionary private mercenary outfit headed by the right-wing Christian nationalist Erik Prince stands to lose big time with an Obama presidency," Palermo writes, citing fringe writer Jeremy Scahill.

"Bush gave Blackwater and companies like it a free ride on the government's dime and they no doubt want the gravy train to continue. Obama promises to apply the brakes. He therefore has some well-armed and lethally trained enemies that stand to lose their livelihoods if he follows through on his promise to end the Iraq occupation. When the political winds blow toward radical change our recent history shows that there's a tendency for popular leaders on the left to face some form of unexplained tragedy."

It would take a Huffington Post crank with a Sicilian last name to come up with that one.

Click here for Warner Todd Huston's take on this black helicopter scenario.